Five Cantonas

Currently doing the rounds is a fairly laughable rumour that Wayne Rooney will be moving to PSG. The French club are reported to be ready to table a 150m euro bid for Rooney, a double Sir Matt Busby award winner, and throw money at him until he signs for them.

Now, ignoring the obvious fact that Rooney thinks that Paris is a slutty amateur video star and France so alien that mythical beasts roam it’s plains, the story might just have some legs. King Chav likes shiny shiny, and the Arabs in charge certainly have plenty of that. Of course, a far larger stumbling block would be persuading Sir Alex to sell his prized asset, especially given that a certain potential replacement has already agreed to move to Chelsea.

Although there has been some disquiet in certain quarters that Rooney’s performances aren’t up to what they once were, and that he gets frustrated and marginalised in games far too easily for a player of his caliber, he’s still far and away our biggest goal threat and most creative player. At his worst, he’s making space for others, and at his best he’s obliterating teams single handedly. That kind of match-winning ability is priceless.

That said, £120m is the kind of money that, with the Glazer’s leeching money, a metaphorical Henry Hoover wrapped round the clubs knob, we simply do not have to invest in the playing squad. Indeed, in the past five years, our total investment after including revenue from players sales is only the 7th highest in the league, just ahead of Fulham. Fulham. Just think what we could do with that kind of money?

For starters, there’s a ready-made Rooney replacement playing his football in Bilbao. Iker Muniain isn’t going to be available for much longer for anything other than completely stupid money. He’s just broken into the Spanish squad and is only 19, so his best years are ahead of him. Indeed, these Euros may have come just a season too soon for him, and there’s no doubt he’ll be a big part of the squad in two years time. Quick, sharp, skilful and with an eye for goal, the sprightly Muniain would tick exactly the same box as Rooney does now.

Speaking of Bilbao, perhaps Fergie’s going to be taking inspiration from the way Bilbao demolished us playing off a skilful big man. Selling Rooney would allow us to invest in Ibrahimovic and have plenty of change to strengthen the midfield. Here, we could pick up Ganso from Santos and, at fucking last, Luka Modric from Spurs given the kind of money we’d have to play with.

Whilst this sort of talk is very exciting, we have to consider exactly how likely it is that we’d take the £120m and spend it on players. After all, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers have just invested $140m in new players in the NHL free agency draft. The Glazers have to pay for that from somewhere, right?

What would you do? Would you sell Wayne and strengthen the squad, or is he simply too indispensable to even imagine doing that?

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